Thursday, November 21, 2013

Birds don't believe in gravity.

Does anyone else love a good conspiracy theory?


Mr Boozle and I watched a documentary this week.
It was called "JFK- The Smoking Gun"
and I am here to tell you right now that
 the bullet that killed JFK was accidentally fired
by a Secret Service Agent.
After watching it, I have absolutely no doubt at all.

Well, that is until I watch a documentary 
-let's give it a working title of "If you think anyone apart from Oswald killed JFK, 
you are a bloody idiot"-
and I will change my mind all over again.


I don't think that I am gullible person,
not more so that anyone else.
I am not stupid...
Well, not really stupid anyhow.

I wont believe you if you try to tell me that Pamela Anderson's boobs are real.

I have never believed in drop bears.


Don't try to convince me that low calorie ice-cream tastes as good as
that creamy, dreamy, full fat double choc chip Baileys butterscotch ice-cream with fudge topping that will begin to harden your arteries
as soon as you take the lid off the container.

But I am open to suggestions
and give me "evidence" and I am all yours.

I remember watching a documentary about the Apollo moon landing.
I finished watching, knowing that without a doubt that the whole thing was staged.
(Who could argue with the evidence of the inconsistent shadows, people?)


A documentary on the likely scientific truth behind the Bermuda Triangle 
was extremely interesting- and somewhat of a relief
that it could be explained by science 
rather than the supernatural.

Perusing webpages, 
I even had a few seconds when I believed that the September 11th attacks
could certainly have been a cover-up of the actions of the US Government.

Of course, the merit of anything you read on the web is questionable.
It is a platform for any delusional, imaginative, obsessive, extremist or 
childish personality to get an immediate and worldwide audience
and the associated gratification.

But regardless of how malleable/vulnerable/gullible I might be,
some of these theories are fascinating,
if not just entertaining.

Who hasn't wondered if Lady Di's death was orchestrated rather than accidental?

What did crash land at Roswell in 1947?

Where exactly is Elvis?

Is fluoride in our water an unwanted mass medication?

Could Pro Wrestling actually be real?

Did Marilyn Monroe really commit suicide?


Are chemitrails really forcing us to buy more Maccas junk food through mind control
or just being used for population control?

Who knew what was built below Denver International Airport?
(And what is with the murals?)

Start surfing the net for conspiracy theories 
and you find that there is no shortage of them.

But temper the entertaining and thought-provoking ideas
with the ridiculous and the offensive ones.

Some people honestly believe that the Holocaust did not happen,
that the Boston Marathon was a Government set up 
or that the victims were actors,
that the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting was a hoax,
that the Pentagon was hit by a Government missile in 9/11
that AIDs is the result of a man-made virus spread deliberately via vaccinations
to decrease the population of Africa.

Weird and educational and thought-provoking and funny is all OK
but sadly there can be, at the very least, unpleasant,
and, at worst, immoral and hurtful.

Luckily, most rational people can recognise the difference.

Something I came across listed as a "Conspiracy Theory"
but sounding a lot more like a Zaphod Beeblebox quote
from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy":

The only way we can defy gravity is to stop believing in it.
That is why birds can fly.
Birds don't believe in gravity.

I guess penguins believe in gravity then.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

There are some things that you can live without knowing.

Some scientists in the world are trying to find a solution for world poverty and famine.
Others are assessing the problem of global warming.
Countless dedicated people are trying to find a cure for cancer.

While others spend 2 years of their lives swabbing belly buttons
to study naval biodiversity.


Today I found out that belly button fluff (or lint, whatever your preference)
harbours over 2000 different type of bacteria.

And about 1500 of them haven't been found anywhere else.

Can you imagine exactly what is in those jars that people have full of their collected naval lint?


I can never un-know that now.

I wont be playfully disgusted by Mr Boozle's belly button fluff anymore.
I will be truly repulsed.


At this point in time,
I am too scared to ask why it is always blue.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The aftermath (Or "There is nothing worse than a reformed coffee addict")


It was 6 weeks ago today that such a tiny organism
created such a huge amount of disruption to my life and my health.

In the past fortnight,
finally, my energy levels and sleep patterns have returned to normal
and the still occasional abdominal cramping (because I ate something that obviously wasn't rice) has stopped.

But my body (or my mindset) is still in a weird place.
Weird good.
But still weird.

My carbohydrate addiction has been stifled.
I still love the little buggers but don't feel the inclination to stuff them in my mouth 
as my preferred food group.

I am craving vegetables.
Which is not something that the pre-Salmonella-run-in me would do.
My cravings usually cover coffee or salt or sugar or spicy or fat or fake flavourings...
Pretty much anything but healthy food.

I am specifically lusting after salad vegetables.

More specifically tomatoes and asparagus.

Fine now but I am screwed at the end of asparagus season in March.

I have gone from consuming 4 to 5 cups of coffee each day
to a total daily consumtion of a big, fat zero cups.
I am totally apathetic about that bean that I once cherished and worshipped.
I have had 1 and 1/2 coffees in the past 6 weeks
(the half being one that I couldn't finish)

The only consumption that I have considered 
is an iced coffee made with
(forgive me now and please don't let me be smited down by the coffee bean gods)
instant coffee.

Mr Boozle believes that the shakes and chills
on those first 3 days were purely caffeine withdrawal
and in no way related to acute food poisoning.

Now I must be clear here- I am not the reformed coffee addict.

I still wake up every morning pining for my love of coffee to return,
feeling like I have lost one of my best friends.

I watch my husband with envy every morning as he stumbles out to the kitchen
and doesn't truly wake up till that first espresso hits the lining of his stomach.

No, the reformed coffee addict of the title would be the perky, chatty, late teen check-out girl
who decided that 44 year old me obviously didn't appreciate that I have been saved
from the evils of coffee (...amen...)
and needed to be reminded of the perils of caffeine consumption
sleeplessness, diuretic leading to dehydration...

Now, there were more on the list but
I forget what else the lecture involved.

Ironically I reckon if I had 5 coffees under my belt,
I might have been awake enough to have heard the rest of the sermon.

(Or run off in the middle for an urgent pee)

I have resorted to buying some green tea,
usually kept for my lunches at the local sushi restaurant,
and some chai tea.
I even considered peppermint or camomile tea there for a minute.
(this from a person who doesn't understand why anyone would want to imbibe their flower garden.)


I am lost, searching for my new vice
while really knowing that nothing can replace my beloved cafe late.

Meanwhile, I am feeling healthier and have not only kept the weight off that I lost during my illness
but have slowly lost more weight.
Not a bad thing.
So I can live with weird for now.

 I guess you could say that 
every dose of Salmonella does come with a silver stomach lining.