Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Definition: Holiday Fail

AMJ 2012


1. the act of one parent taking 3 children away for a 10 day
holiday to their grandparents
and have multiple cases of gastroenteritis for the first half of the holiday
and one severe case of an upper respiratory tract infection for the second half of the holiday.

2. any variation on this theme.

Related words:
regret, toilet paper, contagious, fever, chills,
exhaustion, thanks be to drugs, ear pain on planes,
where the heck is my husband?

Example of use:
Bloody hell. Sick kids. Sick parent. Really sick grandparents. That sucked.
That sure was a holiday fail if I ever saw one.

In the interests of trying to be a half glass full kind of gal,
I will say that I am glad that the kids seem to have been spared what I am currently fighting
(touch wood)
and  I am relieved that 2 plane flights with sore ears weren't a lot worse.

How sick am I, did I hear you ask?

I am so sick that I have been going to bed at 9 pm.
...don't think I have done that since I was 10 years old.

I am sooo sick that I can't drink coffee.
Yeah, I know. Like, caffeine withdrawal really helps with headaches. Not.

I am sooooo sick that I stopped knitting.

I am sooooooo sick that when a sympathetic husband
jokingly lamented the lack of homecoming nooky
due to my poor state of health,
I wanted to seize his testicles in my hands and crush them with whatever remaining strength I could muster.
He's just lucky that I was too weak to roll over to find them.

I am now armed with plenty of chicken noodle soup,
electronic babysitters, paracetamol and antibiotics
and my own bed
so am hoping for a quick recovery from here on in.


Nikki said...

Yowsers. You know how to do that holiday fail thing like a champion.
(And I'm sending telepathic chicken soup.... get well soon!)

Tania said...

BED! NOW! After the recovery you can book yourself your own holiday BY YOURSELF. With knitting. Without vomit.

I think I would have found the strength for the testicle crush.

Tin Can Daisy said...

It's probably terminal if you can't knit!!

And I think I'd have found the strength for a testicle crush too ;)

willow and moo said...

I was thinking it was pretty serious if you weren't consuming coffee. If I was closer, I'd make you some chicken soup. I come from a Jewish family. I know how to make the good stuff. ;)

Hope your better soon!

becci said...

OMG you've stopped knitting AND drinking coffee. Go to bed and take lots of medication.

I agree - I would have found the strength for that testicle crush!

get better soon.

toadstooldots said...

That sounds like a serious illness - get well soon!!!

Tas said...

This is Mr Boozle. I want it clarified that while it may not have been taken as such, the lamentation of lack nookie was said in a loving romatitic "I've missed you" tone... not in ANY form of expectant tone.
I am feeling maligned!

Tasha said...

OMG no coffee and no knitting :O you poor thing you must feel terrible!

IN terms of the testicle crush or lack thereof I would be inclined to immediately enforce a "nookie ban" for a period of no less than 3 times the period your sickness lasts ;) LOL

And Mr Boozle in response you your response, yeah suuurrrre ;)

Karen said...

Oh dear this is not good news!
I hope you are recovering well and your husband is smart enough to preserve his manhood by not 'poking the bear' more!