Thursday, February 14, 2013

Breathing on my own.

JFM 2013

When I took the kids back to my folk's place in the new year,
my parents were very keen to have the children visit by themselves.
Yes, all three, easily bored, demanding and hyperactive children visit by themselves.

JFM 2013

There was a suggestion of me flying over, leaving them for a week and flying back home 
but I recognise the limitations of both the grandparents and the grandchildren
and felt that it was in the best interests of healthy relationships for all concerned
if I wasn't that far away and if I wasn't gone that long.

JFM 2013

So I took myself off to Hobart for two days.
Two days.
All to myself.
No kids.
No commitments.
Not even a hubby to please.

And oh, it was soooooo good.

JFM 2013

Being a mother,
I feel a certain obligation to announce that I miss my children.
Do you know what I mean?

But in the short term it really is a general absence makes the heart  grow fonder kind of thing.
did I spend two days wondering what they were doing at any given moment,
keen to get back to them
or wishing that I was there to tuck them in?

In all honesty, I didn't.

JFM 2013

I have to be honest and admit that, 
...while I love my kids more than anything on this earth,
while I will defend and protect my children ferociously ,
while I would die to save them,
the whole mother's pledge of honour...
 I sort of thrive when I am apart from them.

JFM 2013

I spent 2 completely self-absorbed days.
I shopped.
I wandered.
I sat in cafes and knitted and watched people.
I sat in my undies in the heat in my hotel room
sitting up late watching movies and drinking iced coffee for dinner.
I wrote blogs posts in my head and started sketching.
I read.

My world, standing on busy city streets, was suddenly a quieter place
without demands of life and family
and it cleared my head.
I swear that I could almost feel my creativitiy returning.

JFM 2013

Something else happened that I wasn't expecting.
I felt really nostalgic about my childhood.

JFM 2013

I spent of lot of time in Hobart as a young child
as my working parents sent my brother and I off to nan and pop's for the holidays.
My nan is gone now,
and it is dozens of years and two houses ago since they lived in this city.

But I remember how much I loved it then
and still love it.
It has history. 
And, for me, many memories.

JFM 2013

We used to ride the ferries when they were working boats
but now the couple left are taken out as tourist attractions

We'd stroll around Salamanca Market,
which is still size, quality and personality.

We used to wander around the docks after the Sydney to Hobart yachts arrived,
though back then it took a lot longer for the boats to get to the finish line.

These are the strong memories,
so many others faded and gone
now that I can no longer have a conversation with my nan and pop
and have them remind me of some experience we shared that I have forgotten.

All memories of times not shared with my mum or dad
which seems fitting in the context of this post.

JFM 2013

I guess I have a guilt thing happening
that I can actually be away from my offspring and be doing a happy dance.
I feel like it is not what I am meant to feel.
I imagine it is similar to what some women feel when, for whatever reason,
they had a C section or bottle-fed their baby.

But my kids are with me in my heart and mind
and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It would seem that I am just a person who needs to breath on my own for a while.

JFM 2013


MoederKip said...

Alone time is so precious - glad you were able to enjoy it and come to appreciate its importance x

Maxabella said...

Are you kidding? I think that's EXACTLY the way you're 'supposed' to feel. Happy dance all around, Tas.

You've got me craving a trip to Hobart now. You've also got me craving parents like yours who INSIST on having the kids on their own. They are LOVES.


monART said...

oh the photos of your trip is just beautiful. I ♥ love being away from my kids. But almost never do it because I ♥ being with my kids ;)