No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Maybe. No.

(image from blogs.adelaidecitycouncil.com)

My hubby and I are (hopefully) at the end of near to 2 months

of interrupted sleep (some nights)

or plain old sleep deprivation ( on the other nights)

thanks to a 3 year old

who would rather sleep on the hard, cold coir mat of the corridor

than snuggled up with her fleecy well loved hippo pillow under her Dorothy doona.

But the psychological and physical negotiations associated with that saga

are another story.

Let's just say that the midnight, 2am and 4am dramas

have been almost clockwork

and very wearing.

Result?

2 grumpy, impatient and intolerant parents.

And I am now that queen bee mummy of "no".

(image from www.2time-sys.com)

"Can I...?"

"No"

Some are well founded...

"No, you can't climb that ladder onto the roof."

"No, you can't walk to school alone."

"No, you can't both sit on top of your 3 year old sister"

Others (I should admit most) not so well founded...

"No, you can't spread your own toast."

No, you can't play in the bath for another 5 minutes"

No, you can't be banker for Junior Monopoly"

"No, you can't have vegemite on sultana toast"

And the only thing more infuriating than have a child ask "why not?"

when you have said "no" with good reason,

is having a child ask "why not?"

when there is no good reason

and being stuck for an explanation as you grapple with guilt.

"Because I said so" is one of those answers you swore you would never give your child.
But "Because I am tired and crabby" isn't really much better.

(image from 2.bp.blogspot.com)

It is now a habit.

Easy to say it without thinking.

The same way my 5 year old finds comfort in having his hands tucked in his trousers

and the way my 7 year old finds fun by sucking on his collars and bedsheets.

No thought.

Just habit.

Of all the parenting advice we have been given or have sought in the past 8 years,

the one we both most clearly remember is

"Try to say yes more often than no"

Not sure why we remember it.

Perhaps it is because it seems to be a reachable goal in the grand scheme of positive parenting.

I would hate to think that I am weilding the "no" weapon

just because I can.

As a power play.

I know someone who used to do that to her teenage son

and it was awful to see.

I just need to stop,

think about the pros and cons,

and say "yes" where possible.

I know that there are times when I need to say "no".

Like when my 7 year old wanted my email address

so that he could sign up to a chat room

(on a child's site but the answer was a firm no regardless)

But with my fatigue and intolerance,

I have lost the ability to empathise with

the feelings of my young kids.

So I need to get more sleep,

say "yes" unless it is going to result in head trauma,
something burning
or the next world war
and maybe even try vegemite on sultana toast one morning

and see what my 7 year old is on about.

(image from losingterry.com)

And I could even let him spread it.