Fairy Tales

What magical beings do you have at your house?

(www.polishpolice.com)

At our house it's a fairy.

Not a useful fairy.

Not an invisible presence who cleans the loo,

does the washing and ironing

and cooks tomorrow's dinner while we sleep.

No, our fairy is a right royal pain in the you-know-where.

She is the one who makes a mess,
spreading out pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle across the middle of the loungeroom.
She hides mobile phones in boxes so that we can't find them.

She writes on the walls in texta.
She leaves empty toilet rolls on the holder and the toilet seat up.
She grinds plasticine into the carpet.

She breaks toys and rips pages out of books.

All those things that you think your kids have done

but no, cue poker faces: "it wasn't us, mum"

(www.perthnow.com.au)

But, since Christmas,

her company to moved to a new level of unpleasantness.

Now she frequently wees on the bathroom floor.

And apparently she farts in mixed company.

Frequently.

 (and, in spite of what you might think,

fairy farts are not pleasant, let me tell you)

Anyone know any magical spells that might help exorcise a smelly fairy?