Thursday, April 21, 2011

"You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100."

 (Woody Allen)


Have you ever googled "How to live a long life?"

Well, to save you the effort of reading through the 44 million results,
I have summarised them here.
Well, most of them.
OK, a few of them. (44 million is a lot, you know)

Genetics contributes about 30% to our longetivity.
The rest it seems is up to us...

Be persistant. Avoid carcinogens (no shit, Sherlock). Keep your mind active.
Use sunblock. Be optimistic...but not too optimistic.
Continue to work or volunteer. Be well organised.
Meditate and relax. Marry well (applies to men. Sorry, guys. I am taken) Avoid heavy lifting. Eat garlic.
Squat when you poo (who knew?).  Get regular exercise. Avoid constant fear or worry.
Freeze your head. (Just seeing if you are still with me)
Have consistent sleep patterns. Avoid simple carbs and processed foods and yeah, of course, avoiding junk food is on the list. Have annual medical checkups.
Avoid working in the service industry (and enforced jolliness) Be grateful.
Floss your teeth daily. Gets those fruit and veges into you. Get rich. Don't get rich.
Find a role model and aim to achieve more than they have.
Don't drink super-hot tea.
Own a pet (disclaimer- my cats do not relax me. They are pushing my blood pressure through the roof)
Consume anti-oxidants (this is a good one- dark chocolate, tea; drink some red wine, people!)
Increase water consumption...but not too much. Fear the Lord.
 Don't fixate on material things- you can't take them with you.
Don't smoke (duh!)Think before you act. Be flexible and move on. Maintain a healthy weight.
Indulge in hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Increase your leg strength.
Don't oversleep. Have self confidence. Be prudent. Have proper hygiene.
Be well educated. Develop and maintain a strong and healthy social network and relationships.
Have a reason to live. Think before you act and avoid dangerous situations.
Plan ahead.
Smile. Laugh. Hug. Kiss. Bonk.
Eat more fish, soy, rice, seaweed. Eat less red meat. Eat more apples. Eat Acai berries.
Eat and drink purple things.
Increase your omega 3 fat intake and decrease your omega 6 fats.
Don't try to be happy. Don't overindulge. Be conscientious. Have an infra-red sauna.
There is one that seems to advocate eating semen...but if that interests you,
google it yourself. Be a bit obsessive. Stop drinking Coke and cola.
If you get nominated for an Oscar, win it. (You will live longer than if you lose)

...and so on.

So, there you go, people.
Let's meet up for a glass of red and some dark chocolate when we turn 100.
We'll square up details a bit closer to the time...


Clodagh a.k.a. Isra said...

great stuff
"Don't oversleep" PMSL like that is going to happen any time soon!

I wonder will you get a message from King Will then when you turn 100??

Clodagh a.k.a. Isra said...

i just lost my post, I am such a dope!!!!

Ok anyway I was saying no fear of oversleeping here! and then something about the king but now I am too lazy to re-type LOL

The Handmaden said...

Hmmm, I think I'll just try to get through tomorrow!

quilary said...

My own special favourite is the anti-oxidant advice - I love all 3!

Tania said...

I feel positively aged after reading everything I should be doing...

Mary said...

after reading that list I think I'm kinda screwed lol.

Fiona said...

Just came over from A Farmer's Wife. Absolutely loved this post. Don't know if there's much hope for me, but I had a good laugh. Thanks for that, it might help.

MissGinger said...

I will try and do one or two... Right now i will lucky to make it to next week looking at that list! great post. x

Lola Nova said...

On one side, I've a grandfather who drank, smoked, ate fatty foods, chewed tobacco, was cantankerous, worked a farm, was married twice and was quite odd. He lived to be 98.

On the other side, I've a grandfather who lived cleanly, ate well, exercised regularly, was kind, conscientious and good. He turned 101 last December. So yes, the clean life will keep you alive longer. If genetics has it's say, I am going to live entirely too long!

becci said...

Geez I think I'm stressed just reading the list of things I'm supposed to do. I wonder if ignoring the list will make me live longer (except the chocolate and red wine bit!)