"You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100."

 (Woody Allen)

(seniorsunrise.com)

Have you ever googled "How to live a long life?"

Well, to save you the effort of reading through the 44 million results,

I have summarised them here.

Well, most of them.

OK, a few of them. (44 million is a lot, you know)

Genetics contributes about 30% to our longetivity.

The rest it seems is up to us...

Be persistant. Avoid carcinogens (no shit, Sherlock). Keep your mind active.

Use sunblock. Be optimistic...but not too optimistic.

Continue to work or volunteer. Be well organised.

Meditate and relax. Marry well (applies to men. Sorry, guys. I am taken) Avoid heavy lifting. Eat garlic.

Squat when you poo (who knew?).  Get regular exercise. Avoid constant fear or worry.

Freeze your head. (Just seeing if you are still with me)

Have consistent sleep patterns. Avoid simple carbs and processed foods and yeah, of course, avoiding junk food is on the list. Have annual medical checkups.

Avoid working in the service industry (and enforced jolliness) Be grateful.

Floss your teeth daily. Gets those fruit and veges into you. Get rich. Don't get rich.

Find a role model and aim to achieve more than they have.
Don't drink super-hot tea.

Own a pet (disclaimer- my cats do not relax me. They are pushing my blood pressure through the roof)

Consume anti-oxidants (this is a good one- dark chocolate, tea; drink some red wine, people!)

Increase water consumption...but not too much. Fear the Lord.

 Don't fixate on material things- you can't take them with you.

Don't smoke (duh!)Think before you act. Be flexible and move on. Maintain a healthy weight.

Indulge in hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Increase your leg strength.

Don't oversleep. Have self confidence. Be prudent. Have proper hygiene.

Be well educated. Develop and maintain a strong and healthy social network and relationships.

Have a reason to live. Think before you act and avoid dangerous situations.

Plan ahead.
Smile. Laugh. Hug. Kiss. Bonk.

Eat more fish, soy, rice, seaweed. Eat less red meat. Eat more apples. Eat Acai berries.
Eat and drink purple things.
Increase your omega 3 fat intake and decrease your omega 6 fats.

Don't try to be happy. Don't overindulge. Be conscientious. Have an infra-red sauna.

There is one that seems to advocate eating semen...but if that interests you,

google it yourself. Be a bit obsessive. Stop drinking Coke and cola.

If you get nominated for an Oscar, win it. (You will live longer than if you lose)

...and so on.

So, there you go, people.

Let's meet up for a glass of red and some dark chocolate when we turn 100.

We'll square up details a bit closer to the time...