Family holiday home truths

1. No matter how cute, how beautiful or how interesting,

stick to your guns when explaining that the cute/beautiful/interesting not smelly now thing

found by the 6 year old is best left on the beach rather than cosseted in a plastic bag in a suitcase.

2. I can't sleep in a night-time ferry crossing the Bass Strait in mild/moderate swells.

3. I also can't sleep in a night-time ferry crossing the Bass Strait
in humungous swells and gale force winds,

but at least I can pass the time throwing up.

4. Kids can have Smarties for breakfast at least once in their lives

without being removed from the care of their parents.

5. Your 6 year old ice-cold, numb feet will hurt if you put them straight into a warm shower...

...They will...

...No, I am not lying...

...I. am. not. lying....

...I am 42. You are 6.

Why can't you believe that I could know something that you don't?...
...Why would I lie to you?...

...Fine, have a shower then.

Just don't come running complaining to me when your feet hurt...

6. There is a joy in travelling with older kids

that are weaned off the boob and weaned from nappies

but it is incredible how many times a 4 year old  needs to do a poo.
Now.
Right now.

Only to change her mind once a toilet is secured.

7. I've been to Paradise...

apparently.

8. You are never too young to start learning the realities of life.

9. A little point'n'shoot can take better photos than a digital SLR

when it wants to.

10. Kitsch family tourist photos are necessary.

I am not sure what for exactly
but it gives me a sense of bonding by being dickheads together.

Besides, any day now, the oldest will realise how daggy they are and refuse to participate.
Especially when it is raining with an icy wind.
I hope that we can get to the big pineapple before that happens.
Imagine how good that one will be in the family album!

 

11. "The ants go marching one by one..."

is very useful to keep the little one's legs moving

but after a few days of this tediousness,
mummy and daddy get the sniggers over the lewd possibilities.

while the older kids try to rhyme as many numbers as possible with fart.
Or poo.
Or bum.
Or penis.

12. Nothing beats getting home to your own bed.
Bliss.